Lord of the Flies: Off the Top of My Head (SPOILERS) (December 16, 2001) Caution: spoilers for January ep(s) (based on the trailer) is in the "Etc." section. LORD OF THE FLIES (9ABX06): In a nutshell: "DPO"/"Rush" meets "The List" meets "Travelers." I *think* this was supposed to be a lite ep, but instead it was just... say it with me and Doggett... full of crap. What I liked: - The teaser was amusing in an "X-Cops" kind of way, although it went on for too long. - The reference to FOX as being the only network that showed an interest in the video of Captain Dare's death gave me a smile. See? This ep wasn't totally worthless. ::rolls eyes:: - Oh, I forgot something else. I'll give the writer a point for making it the mom who gave Dylan his insect genes. I thought for sure they were going to go with the absent cent -- um, I mean the absent dad. What I didn't like: - Pretty much everything. - Oh, you want specifics? Let me count the ways. - "The Dumb Ass Show." Yes, I know it was supposed to mimic that cable show (the name of which, mercifully, escapes me) where people do stupid stunts. That didn't make this group of idiots any less mind-boggling. What cable show was showing minors doing such dangerous, stupid stuff? - The actress who played Natalie was absolutely *awful* in the teaser. (To be fair, she was better in the rest of the ep. But you know what they say about first impressions...) - Yes, Virginia, it is stupid to pull a helmet off of someone who may have suffered a head injury. - That bald doctor in Act I? I don't want him to treat me. EVER. - What's with Scully bouncing out of the elevator and being immediately flanked by Doggett and Reyes? - Oh, I get it. This is supposed to be a funny ep. You've got to be kidding me. ::more eye rolling:: - And let's not wonder how *all those flies* fit into that collapsed skull. - DD and GA did the "swatting at nothing 'cause the FX guys will be plugging in the computer-generated insects later" thing much better in "Darkness Falls." - Hello? Doctors? Anybody want to comment on how bizarre it was that Captain Dare's head was chewed out in UNDER THIRTY SECONDS? - I am *so* glad that Winky is so broken up over his best friend's death that he has to videotape some idiotic interviews when the body is barely cold. - I guess Scully's forgotten about the chomping tobacco beetles in "Brand X." - Dr. Rocky what's-his-name. I *think* he was supposed to be idiotic and pompous like The Stupendous Yappi. But instead of being idiotic and pompous in an endearing way, as Yappi was, Rocky was idiotic and pompous in an annoying, fingers-down-a-chalkboard kind of way. Note to 1013: don't bring him back, OK? - Why. Is. Scully. In. Freakin'. NEW JERSEY??? Isn't she supposed to be back at Quantico teaching? Didn't she take the position so she could be, you know, more available to her son than she would be as a field agent? Hello, Scully? Remember your son, presumably in the care of your mother? I'm sure your mom loves you, but she might be getting tired of 24-hour-a-day babysitting. - Speaking of Scully: let's discuss her outdoor scene with Rocky, when they were using that machine to sniff out bug pheromones. Can we all say "disgusted"? I knew we could. I'm too disgusted to even use my favorite 4-letter words. Let's see: (1) Scully's blouse is unbuttoned to what appears to be just above her waist. OK, a slight exaggeration, but you see what I mean. Yup, that's real professional. (2) I don't know about the rest of you, but I could have done without the gratuitous reference to menstrual cycles. (3) When Rocky came on to her, why didn't Scully kick his ass instead of making that stupid comment about being a mother? (Oh, *now* she remembers her son!) At the very least she could have said something about not being available. But no, we get further ambiguity about the M/S relationship. ::rolls eyes yet again:: - So Doggett and Reyes were questioning a minor, without the parent's knowledge, about what they considered to be a MURDER? I'm not up on my law enforcement protocol, but that didn't seem quite kosher to me. - Reyes doesn't seem to know how to dress professionally, either -- that V-neck shirt that she was wearing at the beginning of Act III was ridiculous. - Scully's comments regarding sweaty tissues and BO. Thanks a lot, 1013. I think you've reached a new low with this ep. And I thought the 30 seconds of projectile vomiting was abysmal. - Ah. Dylan's got a spider in his throat. Haven't we seen that before? Was "Travelers" so long ago that 1013 has forgotten it? - It seems like the worst scenes in this ep were between Scully and Rocky. The one at Dylan's house was also dreadful. All that Scully had to say in response to Rocky saying he'd never had a partner was "I have"? Did anyone else want her to say, "And you don't have one now, either"? And then Rocky's comment to Scully: "You complete me." I was ready to barf right then and there. Did 1013 really think that that was funny? Newer viewers won't understand the reference, and for those of us who fondly remember certain M/S moments, it was downright painful to hear words so similar to those we've heard in the past. Personally, I wanted Scully to pull out her gun and shoot him. - Oh, and let's not forget Scully giving Rocky CPR. Um, Scully? He turned his head. You might want to check to see if he's got a pulse before you do any more chest compressions. And don't get me started on the comparison to *that* scene in Fight the Future or I may just lose it completely. - In summation: this ep is the closest -- by far -- that I have ever come to turning off an XF ep in the middle. It was that bad. If 1013 was going for humor, they missed by a continent. If they were trying to mock the M/S relationship, they did a bang-up job. What's got me puzzled: - Does Dylan ever take off that Syd Barrett shirt? If I'm not mistaken, he had it on in EVERY scene of the entire ep. I mean, I can understand that he wanted to wear a Syd Barrett shirt all the time, but surely he had more than one kind? - If Dylan was concerned that Captain Dare was going to kill/hurt Natalie with his shopping cart stunt, why didn't he just grab her off the pavement? It was a bit of overkill to kill Captain Dare, wasn't it? - How did Reyes come to the conclusion that Dylan got those flies on himself? That seemed like a leap. Oh, never mind. There are too many other things in this ep worth worrying about. - Er, how did those boys survive that car crash? There was no mention made of *any* of them being injured. That's just bizarre. (I didn't notice while I was watching -- were any of them wearing seat belts?) - How did Monica get in Natalie's house? And why was Natalie so ready to go with some stranger who didn't even flash some law enforcement ID? - So Dylan's dead dad was in his house all along, plus a few other corpses. What, nobody ever noticed the stench of rotting bodies? The police didn't search the house when Dylan's dad first disappeared? Um, OK. - The "I LOVE YOU" in lightning bugs was kinda cute, but why was Natalie smiling instead of being repulsed? Was she so smitten with Dylan that she got over that mouth-bite thing? Etc.: - If Scully had wound up encased in a spider web, I think that might have been it for me with this show. - January's ep(s): Was that Terry O'Quinn from Millennium and Fight the Future? Oh, and Scully's sent for Mulder? Whoopee. Not. We already know that DD isn't coming back, so what's the point?